The Conservative Muse

please visit:

theconservativemuse.com

(The Muse offers wholehearted apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning, whose poem can be read here.)

 

©  2009 by The Conservative Muse

 

How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.

You tax the rich like modern Robin Hood,

To redistribute for the greater good.

You maketh me know how not-working pays.

 

I love with the ardor of the sun’s rays

That warmeth the globe, though less than man does.

Your cap and trade tax is blessed because

You’ll save mankind, thereby earning all praise.

 

I love thee for your generous essence.

We rejoice in future stimulus checks

And coupons for digital TV specs,

And cash to change light bulbs to fluorescents.

 

I love thee for social engineering.

Your sin tax and gas tax with larger goals

To moor your flock on collectivist shoals,

There our personal freedoms adhering.

 

I love thee for foreign humility.

You have seen the wisdom of prostration

Before crowds of European nation –

Your peaceful ways promise tranquility.

 

With concepts of “fairness” thou connect me;

for a level field I pledge last breath;

Thy nanny state shall always protect me

Yea, though I walk through the Valley of Death.

I love thee for universal health care;

For the Fiat of Obama Motors.

Your agenda is safe; no one will dare

Incur the wrath of us needy voters! 

 

© 2009, The Conservative Muse

We all were amazed when Obama the Great

Made claim after claim of the things he’d set straight

Once elected to office and wielding his power;

Now we gasp as his ego inflates by the hour.

To his self-described talents we’d make an addition:

Like Siegfried or Roy, he’s a master magician!

Take Barack’s speech in Cairo, ‘midst wild Arab cheer,

When The One made all “terrorists” – poof! – disappear!

…oh, wait just a minute… now what’s that you say?

It’s not that they’re gone, he’s just got a new way

Of describing those people who wish us all dead

‘cause to call them all “terrorists” makes them see red?

Oops, sorry! Instead we’ll try this on for size:

While vowing to save us from fiscal demise

And protect us from restlessly unemployed mobs,

He’s “saving” us hundreds of thousands of jobs.

…Ok, you’re now thinking: it’s more of the same…

Since it can’t be disproved it’s a spurious claim.

Then here’s some nice magic that can’t be disputed:

We know that for decades Old Europe’s been rooted

In socialist programs of nanny state caring;

But recent election results are declaring

A staggering shift from the left to the right;

Barack’s economics have caused such a fright

That lefties in Europe are going ballistic;

What a feat! The One’s scaring them capitalistic!

Barack’s Magic Show has extended its run;

For big government types it’s a whole lot of fun!

With federal bailouts in massive profusion,

and car manufacturers mired in confusion

and socialized health care now out of seclusion,

His leadership “skill” is his greatest illusion!

© 2009, The Conservative Muse

 

Let’s say that one day, when you’re bored and you’re lazy,

you choose to do something that’s really quite crazy:

Let’s say that you pick up a hammer, and then

start banging your kneecap again and again.

With a government agent we’d like to connect you:

Obama and friends will be there to protect you!

 

To help someone acting on such inclination

The first thing they’ll do is enact regulation

To control manufacture of all basic tools

So they can’t be misused by the densest of fools

To injure themselves or launch vicious attacks,

sending Homeland Security levels to max!

 

They’ll then help empower the trial attorneys

To start on the long but so lucrative journeys

Of major class actions to sue hammer makers

And unscrupulous salesmen, liars, and fakers

For creating a market for products like these,

As potentially deadly as any disease.

 

These actions will cause hammer prices to rise;

But sales will go down, and to no one’s surprise

The companies soon will be asking Obama

To end all their shareholders’ agonized drama

And give them a bailout; which surely, he’ll do,

To oversee boards and their salaries, too!

 

(By the way, you can make a small mountain of cash

By getting in touch with those Dems who would bash

Some Bushie officials for “torture” instruction;

You could sell them your photos of knee-joint destruction

As samples of Gitmo sadistic behavior;

be grateful Carl Levin’s our ethical savior!)

 

Of course, if self-harm with a hammer’s distasteful,

There’re other good options a whole lot more graceful,

Like borrowing funds you can’t ever repay

To buy that big house with that wealthy cachet,

Or drowning in red in a credit card way.

Don’t fret; your own guilt won’t be called into play:

Our Great Leader Obama will come save the day!