The Conservative Muse

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© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

Now here’s a pop quiz that will test your awareness
Of movies, child books, and a guy who seeks “fairness”:

Q: What’s the link ‘tween a famed, giant Japanese creature,
and Barack, and the star of a Disney kid feature?

A: As sure as Godzilla returns to raze Tokyo,
Obama will make like a human Pinocchio!

It’s hard to beat Clinton, who looked in our eyes,
And still, under oath, told his Monica lies.
But Obama is using his “gift” that he flaunts –
Slick speech-making talent that every pol wants –
To feed us untruths in a story that grows
As fast and as large as Pinocchio’s nose.

There first was the stimulus, promising rates
Of higher employment to all of the States.
Since no stimulus spending has worked in our history,
The source of its failure is hardly a mystery.
But The One has a comeback when faced with reality:
“Blame Bush! He’s the guy who destroyed our vitality!”

And next came the whimsical “cap and trade” scheme,
a bloated big government tax-and-spend dream.
Barack has promoted a truly huge hoax:
While vowing no taxes on middle class folks,
Instead he’d raise costs of whatever’s consumed
By those suckers whose welfare he says he’s assumed.

Now here comes his favorite: health care reform!
Our current “poor” system he’d like to transform
To a government-run and -controlling bureaucracy:
To claim this cuts costs is the height of hypocrisy!
Like the high squeaky voice of the doll of Geppetto,
Newly-castrated doctors will speak in falsetto!

Barack’s headstrong charges are sounding alarms:
Could drops in the polls mean he’s losing his charms?
Like a growing proboscis of puppeteer fame,
We need a reliable gauge to proclaim
When Obama is playing his dishonest game –
Or we’ll let him accomplish his socialist aim!

©  2009, by The Conservative Muse

 

The Muse is an icon of taste and gentility,

A role he accepts with the utmost humility.

Besides being skilled as a right-winging bard,

He holds works of culture in highest regard.

Of music and art he’s a fervent adorer –

But he guiltily loves that film genre called “horror.”

 

There’s Frankenstein, Dracula, Wolf Man, The Mummy —

All creatures with whom the Boy Muse had got chummy.

His innocent mind was both tortured and thrilled

when a hideous fiend, even though he was killed,

would return from the dead in a new incarnation –

the concept of “sequel” was given creation!

 

There’s “Son of…” and “Bride of…” and even a “Ghost of”….

It’s Hollywood’s way of finessing the most of

A movie idea that really does work!

We’re amused to see studio heads go berserk,

Rehashing old plots to ensure flow of cash

Before the hot franchise can wear out and crash.

 

But these monsters can’t just undergo resurrection:

They need to come back with more vicious intention.

(and sadly, the “Son of…” and “Bride of…” we knew,

Are replaced by mere numbers, like “Troll” and “Troll 2”.)

To keep modern horror freaks hungry for more,

The producers keep upping the carnage and gore.

 

“Halloween,” “Friday”s Jason, and chainsaws in Texas

Are likely to show someone’s doomed solar plexus

Getting split in a bloodbath of graphic portrayal

Lest producers commit the most fatal betrayal

Of their fans by not meeting a gross-out potential;

A high body count is now genre-essential!

 

But now there’s a sequel in full preproduction,

That promises scenes of prodigious destruction

to make all the carnage of splatter films seem

Like innocent stuff of a Dr. Seuss theme.

So prepare yourselves well for the ghastly extreme

Of “Stimulus 2 – Barack’s Socialist Dream!”

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

 

There really are people who claim to believe

That our planet is flat since that’s what they perceive.

‘Gainst conventional wisdom they flaunt their defiance;

After all, what’s the use of that thing they call “science”?

 

Now Barack’s EPA is that type of society

Where rejection of facts is considered propriety.

It recently squelched scientific results

Of a study that’s harmful to climate change cults.

 

It told us the truth about globalized warming,

But with leftist agendas it wasn’t conforming.

Now our sly EPA’s listed CO2 gases

As threats to melt glaciers and drown all the masses.

 

These rife greenhouse gases need tight “regulation,”

A fine euphemism for some wacky taxation.

Flat-Earthers are sane when compared to a man

Thinking “cap and trade” schemes are a really good plan!

 

The One says we shouldn’t be all that concerned,

The average person will only be burned

To the tune of few hundreds of dollars a year…

Sure…

…and socialized health care is nothing to fear!

 

The economy’s sick and it raises our hackles

When Obama’s response is to put it in shackles

By taxing the heck out of all of our trade

As part of the “Stop Global Warming” charade.

 

The Flat Earth Society’s nutty, it’s true,

But we’d also point out that Barack has no clue

Of realities posed by financial distress;

Just look how his “stimulus” adds to the mess!

 

The One and his Agency ought to address

Our need for a shrink who can rightly assess

How far from the truth that they’re apt to digress

‘Til their socialist system’s installed with success.

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

 

 

Dear Big Government,

 

You did it again! I can hardly believe it!

Or did I hear incorrectly, perhaps misconceive it?

Is it really the truth that midst all your largesse

You’ll help us resolve all our auto distress

By giving us thousands for making new deals

To put us in high-class and flashy new wheels?

 

Your immense generosity makes us so thankful

We’ll whisper “Barack” when we buy every tankful

Which we won’t do so often since all our new rides

Are small and efficient and green-ish, besides.

Since our mileage-per-gallon is higher than ever

We can grab our new cars and go driving forever!

 

I want you to know, while I’m grateful a lot,

I’m recalling the loan that I recently got

from that lender that sounds like it’s somebody’s granny –

what’s the name? Can’t remember…it’s something like “Fannie”…

 

But that loan didn’t go the way anyone planned;

Who’da thought that some big shot would make a demand

That I make monthly payments or lose the darned house?

This caused quite a row between me and the spouse!

 

So I’m sure for my car I’ll get nice, easy credit 

(my personal statement I’m willing to edit)

and you’ll give me protection from frivolous troubles

Like having to pay for insurance that doubles,

Or personal property tax that’s increased

Once my clunker’s recorded as being deceased.

 

You’re the greatest Big Government ever in history!

(Though how you afford all these gifts is a mystery)

and soon for good health we can all rest assured –

through government programs we’ll all be insured!

 

But I think what’s your greatest commendable trait

Is you’re equally kind to the small and the great:

You got GM and Chrysler and banks who await

Your wisdom – and cash – that will set them all straight.

When we’re all so dependent on you for our fate,

There’s no end to the empire you’re gonna create!

 

Yours truly,

A fan of Barack’s welfare state!