The Conservative Muse

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© 2009, The Conservative Muse

We all were amazed when Obama the Great

Made claim after claim of the things he’d set straight

Once elected to office and wielding his power;

Now we gasp as his ego inflates by the hour.

To his self-described talents we’d make an addition:

Like Siegfried or Roy, he’s a master magician!

Take Barack’s speech in Cairo, ‘midst wild Arab cheer,

When The One made all “terrorists” – poof! – disappear!

…oh, wait just a minute… now what’s that you say?

It’s not that they’re gone, he’s just got a new way

Of describing those people who wish us all dead

‘cause to call them all “terrorists” makes them see red?

Oops, sorry! Instead we’ll try this on for size:

While vowing to save us from fiscal demise

And protect us from restlessly unemployed mobs,

He’s “saving” us hundreds of thousands of jobs.

…Ok, you’re now thinking: it’s more of the same…

Since it can’t be disproved it’s a spurious claim.

Then here’s some nice magic that can’t be disputed:

We know that for decades Old Europe’s been rooted

In socialist programs of nanny state caring;

But recent election results are declaring

A staggering shift from the left to the right;

Barack’s economics have caused such a fright

That lefties in Europe are going ballistic;

What a feat! The One’s scaring them capitalistic!

Barack’s Magic Show has extended its run;

For big government types it’s a whole lot of fun!

With federal bailouts in massive profusion,

and car manufacturers mired in confusion

and socialized health care now out of seclusion,

His leadership “skill” is his greatest illusion!

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

 

Somewhere in this bizarre world, a “liberal muse” is at work.

We suspect he’d say something like this:

 

“It’s not like I asked for this talent, you know –

this brilliance of intellect, brightly aglow.

But having this gift is a way to explain

Just why I’m a lib: it befits my big brain!

 

“As a group we look down with a pitiful scorn

At conservative people unluckily born

Into ‘red state’ mentalities, featuring thought

Of ‘family values’ so mindlessly taught

 

“By ignorant parents to innocent kids

In ways that a liberal system forbids.

With such naivete was our nation infected;

how else to explain how George Bush was elected?

 

“But now we’ve got thoughtful Barack at the helm

To help usher in an intelligent realm

with fairness abounding in actions domestically

and foreign humility reigning majestically.

 

“He’s opened our playbook of Gitmo activity

To show all our enemies tortured captivity.

While some detainees may have sawn off some heads,

we can’t be allowed to put bugs in their beds

 

“and claim that we’re people of high moral ground.

We need to fight wars with one hand firmly bound

Behind us, obeying an unwritten rule,

And prosecute Bushies for being so cruel!

 

“And yet our Great Leader right-wingers assail!

(We doubt that they would if Obama were pale).

They’re urged by extremists on radio shows

To act how they otherwise couldn’t suppose

 

“Like holding those “tea parties” griping ‘bout taxes;

Don’t they know Barack’s boys have been swinging big axes

To cut their tax burdens by hundreds per year?

They’re so dumb that they don’t even know when to cheer!

 

“They’ve got Limbaugh, O’Reilly, and Hannity, too,

Putting thoughts in the heads of their sycophant crew.

But we’ve got Keith Olbermann – need we say more?

His self-assured smirk oozes knowledge galore!

 

“For proving a lib’s a superior being

You’ll note that the Hollywood crowd is agreeing

With all that we say, and the need for a stand

‘gainst the racist and redneck Conservative brand.

 

“Barack is intent on creating an Eden

that’s based on the model of socialist Sweden.

It’s just what we liberal Democrats crave:

Big government coddling from cradle to grave.

The duty to care for ourselves we can waive –

It’s the way that all civilized nations behave!”

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

 

A big-hearted lib’s filled with goodness and kindness;

he’s first to announce that he’s got major blindness

to issues of color; he loves all diversity;

One’s skin pigmentation won’t trigger adversity

In a liberal world packed with warm toleration

For people and lifestyles of every persuasion.

 

Except, it would seem, when it comes to our cars….

From the Socialists’ Hymnal we’ll sing a few bars

to honor fed takeovers, state-run endeavors,

and big government using its sizeable levers

to force us to act in the ways they see fit –

now controlling the colors of cars they’ll permit!

 

When liberal craziness carries the day,

you can bet California’s leading the way!

The infamous homeland to fruitcakes and nuts

Would like to command that we put all our butts

In cars that are energy-saving and “green” –

Their resident geniuses take this to mean

 

They should outlaw the sale of all cars that are black!

They get so darned hot, their AC’s out of whack

while burning up power far more than their share –

to the rest of us drivers it’s simply not fair!

(This mandate provides us no shock revelation:

The Left Coast is known for pastel inclination…)

 

We know it’s the liberals’ game plan to strike

mortal blows at the Hummer, big vans, and the like;

Barack says he’s glad when gas prices are high:

The faster the SUV market will die!

But we’re taken aback by the swiftness of flight

From reason to foolishness, reaching its height

In denying one’s choice for the color of night.

The irony shines like a beacon of light:

Now our president’s black; soon all cars will be white!

 

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

“While middle class families have been playing by the rules, living up to their responsibilities as neighbors and citizens, those at the commanding heights of our economy have not.  There’s nothing wrong with making money, but there is something wrong when we allow the playing field to be tilted so far in the favor of so few.”

A New Era of Responsibility, the President’s Budget,  page 5

 

Some people believe that pure evil’s alive

And our modern-day culture allows it to thrive.

There’s Hitler, Saddam – throw in Idi Amin –

As proof that the Devil’s appeared on the scene.

But now there’s a new evil presence, we fear,

So call Father Merrin, THE WEALTHY are here!

 

It’s the Father we know from “The Exorcist” fame,

who cast out the demon by calling its name.

Obama must think he’s reprising that role

By blaming THE WEALTHY for taking a toll

by “possessing” too much of American treasure

And bashing the weak with a devilish pleasure!

 

The Exorcist works with a Church-approved script;

Our leader Obama is likewise equipped

Though Barack gets his cues from the Socialist Bible;

At any one moment a person is liable

To distinguish a telltale collective expression —

Like “level the field” – to expose his obsession.

 

The Muse doesn’t know if he’s “wealthy” or not;

He suspects that he is, since he’s happily got

A nice home and a job (though he’s selfly-employed),

A lifestyle we guess makes Obama annoyed,

but we know our new Prez will take pains to remind him

He owes a big chunk to the people “behind” him.

 

This demonization of wealth is quite scary;

Barack might think twice before trying to bury

all folks whose investments helped make this great nation.

Though class warfare is great as campaigning oration,

Now it’s written in stone as a Budget quotation!

Like the Exorcist facing a new altercation,

We’re facing these years with profound trepidation!

 

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

 

The stock market’s tanking, no bottom’s in sight;

The flow of red ink is a source of huge fright;

Unemployment is reaching a dizzying height

While the country sinks deep in recessionist plight.

We need leaders who focus on what lies ahead,

And the Dems pick a fight with Rush Limbaugh instead!

 

The Treasury folks have no whiff of a plan

Though promising one since the crisis began,

While Congress is mandating billions per man

In “stimulus” spending as only they can.

Yet the Dems are quite forceful in one thing they seek:

To stifle the evil Rush Limbaugh’s critique.

 

There are captains of industry wishing to share

Their fear of the things that Obama would dare.

Warren Buffet and raspy Jack Welch are aware

That their votes for Barack were perhaps made in error.

Andy Grove, Barton Biggs, and Jim Cramer are critical,

And the Dems bash Rush Limbaugh for reasons political.

 

They’re trying to paint with a massive broad brush

Republican pols to equate them with Rush

Whose rate of approval has melted to slush.

They’re hoping this tactic will serve them to crush

Politicians opposing this bill’s obligations

That threaten our capitalistic foundations.

 

As if they’ve got nothing to do with their time,

The DNC’s mounting a billboard to chime

Along with commercials they’re making to slime

“Maha Rushie,” who boldly committed the crime

Of daring to speak ‘gainst the plans of The One,

Whose thinness of skin appears second to none.

 

The libs are big backers of freedom of speech;

Its value is something they poignantly preach.

We wonder what lessons they’re trying to teach

While expending so much in attempts to impeach

A radio talk jock expressing dissent….

Lord knows that George Bush had good reason to vent

When Hollywood dissed him one thousand percent!

That “speech” was unblocked, now this message is sent:

Don’t mess with Barack, he’s of godly descent!

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

 

re·tard    (rē’ tärd)   

n.   Offensive Slang 

1. Used as a disparaging term for a mentally retarded person.

 

Last week all the Hollywood folks had convened

To honor the best of the films they had screened

In their yearly extravagant Oscar event;

In facelifts alone, millions must’ve been spent!

They honored Sean Penn for his acting display,

But there’s more about Sean that we’d like to convey!

 

The film, “Tropic Thunder,” had cast a nice take

On sensitive actors attempting to make

Portrayals of people with mental debility

As proof of Academy-worthy ability. 

The film makes the point, vis a vis that award,

By going “full retard” one’s largely ignored!

 

Recall Dustin Hoffman; remember Tom Hanks; 

Their “Rain Man” and dense Forrest Gump had won thanks

from Academy voters who looked with disdain

At Penn’s “I Am Sam,” who had half of the brain

of the other two characters, proving the saw

That going “full retard”’s a tactical flaw. 

 

Though PC police this may tend to incite

In reality Sean plays a moron just right!

Think Hollywood libs –  it’s still hard to believe

there’s someone as childishly dumb and naïve 

as a person who thinks it’s an honor so sweet 

to prostrate himself at a dictator’s feet.

 

Hugo Chavez, Fidel, and the madman Saddam

Have all had the pleasure of shaking the palm

Of our boy while he toured their respective domains,

Praising socialist programs or fascist campaigns 

That he found to be honestly worthy of praise –

While blasting the U.S. in so many ways.

 

Does he know how his guys treat outspoken dissenters?

Perhaps they’d be hanged in the midst of Town Centers,

Or just disappear like they never existed – 

How nice that we know Sean has greatly assisted

These tyrants in spreading the lie that sounds good: 

These really nice guys are just misunderstood!

 

Sean won his award for portraying a gay;

He pled for their rights on the dais that day.

Perhaps he’d be shocked if we dared to reveal

Fidel hunted gays with a frightening zeal;

They rotted in jail with no chance for appeal –

More proof that Sean’s going “full retard” for real!